At the age of 27 Tatenda* is a successful business entrepreneur, but he regrets the fact he never got to discuss sex and sexuality issues with his parents when growing up.
He was raised in the crowded streets of Glen View in Harare, Zimbabwe, and as a straight ‘A’ student was determined to own a successful business and a beautiful house one day.
Tatenda recalls how his father would sit down with him and talk about the importance of education. “I grew up in a poor family,” he said, “where my parents did not raise much from the vegetable market we had but I always wanted to be better than we were.
“I remember we would sit down with my father and he always emphasised that education was the solution to all the financial problems we faced and I always held his words as very important. To say I did it alone would be a great lie, honestly my father’s advice is the reason for my successes,” said the young man.
Living with HIV
With a smile that quickly faded into tears, Tatenda said: “As my father advised, I finished my first degree and I own a small but successful business, I am building a house but the problem is that I have HIV.” He went on to explain that when he was 22 and still a student, he engaged in unprotected sex with his girlfriend whom he claims was the first woman he slept with.
Tatenda regrets the poor knowledge he had about safe sex as he thought HIV was a punishment for being promiscuous. He was not aware that that his girlfriend tested HIV positive at the age of 16 and he fell sick soon after graduating.
According to UNAIDS’ Gap Report of 2014, there are 3.2 million children and 2.1 million adolescents living with HIV. Tatenda argues that if his father had prepared him to deal with sex in the same way that he had the importance of education, then he probably would not have contracted HIV.
Parental advice on sex
Tatenda’s story highlights the impact that parental advice on sexuality and sex can have in reducing transmission of HIV. Studies have revealed that young people whose parents openly discuss sex and sexuality are less likely to be exposed to risky behaviour.
According to AIDS United, comprehensive sex advice, education and programmes have been shown to effectively delay sexual activity, increase condom use and decrease the number of sexual partners.
Research in the Journal of Social Aspects of HIV and AIDS published in 2013 reiterated that communication about sexual health between parents and adolescents has been shown to have a protective influence on behaviours that reduce the risk of HIV infection. The research also acknowledges that effective dialogue between parents and youth about sex is an influencing behaviour that promotes increased contraceptive use and delayed sexual activity.
The taboo of talking about sex
Many African families find it a taboo for parents and children to discuss sex and sexuality and the result is that young people are left vulnerable to HIV.
Marriah Mushe, a widow from Rusape, said: “It is unheard of in our culture for a mother to talk about sex with her son and I have never done that.” The mother of three, whose only son, age 17, is still in high school also said that she did not receive any advice on sex from her parents when young.
Another parent, trader Anorld Mukasa from Harare, said that he finds it uncomfortable and risky to talk about sex with his 15-year-old daughter. “I think talking about sex with my daughter is as good as watching pornography with her, I would end up showing her a life that she doesn’t know,” he said.
Knowledge gap must be filled
It is often just as difficult for young people to open up about sexuality with their parents. A 22-year-old college student from Midlands State University in Gweru said that he does not want his parents to know about his sexual escapades as they do not expect him to be sexually active until he is married. “That’s the last thing I would want them to know about,” he said.
“Also, they still compare us to their generation which was free from the many temptations we face today and that has been a barrier to engagement between young people today and their parents.”
Brian Muzunze, a councillor, said that parental advice is one of the missing keys in the response to the spread of HIV among adolescents. “Societies need to acknowledge that some people expose themselves to the virus because they lack knowledge which should be equally shared in families as it is shared in schools,” he said.
“What parents need to understand is that, either way, children will find out about sex and it is more helpful if they learn about it from their families. As they say, charity begins at home and so should sex education so that well informed young people are better at making decisions and shielding themselves from the HIV virus.”
*Not his real name
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