“I got my first child in 1995. I got pregnant after getting married and living for quite sometime with someone I loved so much. I had longed for a child and I felt like I was the luckiest woman on earth. Things changed when my husband began seeing other women and bringing them home. I prayed so much for my husband to change. After a month of no change, I decided to leave.
“I went back to my parents and because I was pregnant, my mother started taking me to Rabar dispensary in Siaya for my clinic visits. We never paid anything for the clinic visits and we were treated well. Those days there were no HIV tests. The doctor would only examine the position of the baby. I went through the pregnancy without any problem. I never had any income so my plan was that, when the day came, I would deliver at home.
“That day finally came. I was sleeping when I fell this strong pain on my lower tummy. I used to sleep in my mother’s kitchen alone. There was no way I could get help at that time and I had to stay til morning. In the morning, my mother called my grandmother (my father’s mother) to come and help me. My grandmother sent her back to come and tell me that it was a taboo for her to help me and I could also not deliver in her compound because it was a taboo. If it happened, my mother would never use that kitchen or share the same meal with me. She said I should be taken to my mother’s mum instead, to deliver there.
“My father’s mother stayed so far away and I found it so hard. I stayed with the pain for three days. On the third day, the pain was so much and my mother decided to take me to my grandmother’s place. Before we left, my grandmother gave me a herb to chew during delivery. My brother also came along to make sure we were safe.
“When we reached my grandmother’s place, she sent for a TBA�[traditional birth attendant] immediately. When she came she asked them to boil some water. She then asked me to stand and touch a wood that was above my head. She started massaging my stomach with the hot water. She then told me to chew the herb that I had come with from my other grandmother’s homestead. As she continued massaging, I felt the baby go down and got so overwhelmed with pain. I felt like I needed to use the toilet. I couldn’t stand any longer so I sat down and the baby came out.
“It was dark and the TBA had not prepared a lamp. When she went out to get the lamp, the placenta came out. This is where I came to a conclusion that TBAs were very careless. She came back and set the baby down on the muddy floor full of mud. She went again and came with a mug full of water and started pouring it on the baby while the baby was still on the floor. My baby cried and turned on the mud until the mud covered every part of his body including the eyes. I even think that is the sole reason why my baby has developed severe eye problems.
“She then took the baby, wrapped him without even washing off the mud, gave him to me and took us to sleep. We paid her 200 for her services. We stayed there for four days before I left for my mother’s place. My aunt who was a community health worker advised me to take the baby to the clinic. I did monthly visits to the clinic until my baby completed his appointments.
“I got pregnant with my second child in 1998. I never got tested for HIV again. We had very little knowledge of HIV. We would just see dead people being wrapped in polythene bags before they are buried because they had died from a strange disease. When I was three months pregnant, I developed some chest problems and I coughed a lot. I was still at my parent’s place and still visiting Rabar clinic in Siaya. The cough problem became worse and whenever I coughed, I would urinate. We never had money so I had to stay with the cough.
“My labours came one day at around 4pm. I took it lightly and thought it would take three days like the other one. The more I tried to ignore it, the more I felt the need to let it out. I went behind my mother’s kitchen and laid on a sack. Then I remembered the herb that my grandmother had given me the other time and felt like I really needed it. When I was just about to go get it, I felt like using the loo again and my legs could not move. I sat down and pushed and the baby came out. I called out and my dad replied. I didn’t want him to know so I told him to call my mum. When my mum came, both the baby and the placenta were out. I wanted my mum to cut the umbilical cord but our culture forbids her to do that so she showed me how to do it. After doing it, my mother took the baby and me to her kitchen. This brought a lot of issues making me leave for Nairobi. I started taking my baby for the normal clinic visits which went on well and my baby was so healthy.
“I got my third born when my boy was three years old. During this pregnancy, I used to visit Tumaini clinic at a fee of 20 only. One day I went to the clinic and they referred me to Kenyatta National hospital because I had developed some stomach problems. Kenyatta hospital wanted money and I had none and I feared an operation so I never went. I started visiting a religious woman. She would massage my tummy with a certain oil and she told me that she was going to help me deliver. I was so happy because it had saved me the cost.
“I started having labour at around 3am. We waited until 6am when my husband took me to the religious woman. She gave me cold water to drink. She would go out but kept checking on me. When she felt the baby coming, she made me lie on the bed and spread my legs. She instructed me on pushing and a baby girl came out. She cut the umbilical cord, cleaned the baby and helped me clean myself. She then tied my stomach to help it go back to shape. The services of that TBA were the best to me. I lived with her for two months because my husband said he did not like staying with bleeding women. I never took my baby to the clinic because I wasn’t feeling well and I had no energy to do that.
“One day, while were still at the TBA’s house, my daughter started crying. She would cry so much that I could feel the pain. Relatives would come and tell me that she wasn’t sick and that according to our tradition, the crying signified that she wanted to be given an ancestral name. The crying became unbearable and I finally took her to the clinic. They gave me some medicine to give her, which never helped her.
“One night she started crying. I woke up, breastfed her until she went back to sleep. I laid beside her and slept. I can’t tell what happened because when I woke up at around 3am to check on her, she was dead. I thought of taking her body and throwing it in the nearby river because I had no money to cater for her funeral but my husband refused and catered for a proper funeral in Lang’atta. If only I had listened to the doctor’s advices to deliver in Kenyatta I wouldn’t have lost my baby!
“My second born child started falling sick at the age five. I was always in and out of the hospital with him. At this point, I had separated from my husband. One day my son got sick and I took him to Kenyatta. At that time his father was also admitted at the hospital but unfortunately, he passed away. My son got admitted for three days with the bill amounting to 3000, which I couldn’t pay. They detained him there for four months and released him when they realised that the bill will never be paid. He got sick again and my friend advised me to take him to Lea Toto which is a branch of Nyumbani children’s home. Taking him there made me come to the bitter truth that my baby was HIV positive. I also went testing and discovered that I was also positive. That is when I realised all the mistakes I have made.
“My life should act as an example to other women and girls. They should try to be very careful and not go through what I have experienced in life.”
This story is part of the Trust for Indigenous Culture and Health’s (TICAH) work on Maternal Newborn and Child Health Care (MNCH). TICAH’s work creates a positive link between culture and health. TICAH believes that values, families and communities influence people’s ability to stay healthy. TICAH’s projects include; Community training outreach, positive living, Our bodies, our choices, demonstration garden and art projects. All the projects at TICAH begin with ‘listening to those who live it’ to learn what is happening at the moment and what needs to be improved. That is the same approach they have taken on the MNCH programme which has made them realise how much work still needs to be done.
